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Buckingham Palace. London. England. 1861.
Queen Victoria is not amused.
Queen Victoria sat silent in wait, newspaper in hand The Times with a pile more from todays date, well read, crumpled, creased on floor.
A butler, an aged, stiff relic inherited from her late father…Prince Edward, kept in service less from function, but for nostalgic had just finished pouring a good tad of single malt into her goblet of claret, an unusual and very much acquired taste of the Queen’s not shared by her audience, kept at time, by the Prime Minister Lord Palmerston…The Secretary of State for Colonies, the Duke of Newcastle and…The Chancellor of the Exchequer William Gladstone.
“Shall I iron the newspapers your Majesty?” The butler asked, as he bent painfully slowly down to collect the papers from the floor.
The creaking and cracking of his back was as unsettling as a wooden hull breaking apart in a tempest. The Queen’s guests wondered silently if he could manage to straighten, but after a time and with much grimace he so did.
“No…Leave them on the table…That will be all James…But do find Albert and ask him to join us, I have no idea where that man gets too.”
The Queen said waving him away, watching his tortoisen departure with a face devoid of expression,
before returning to the matters at hand, matters that was of some concern, and had most spoilt her day, she had thought a nice afternoon in the garden with the paints, a still life would have pleasantly sufficed to have idled her time, now it seems she must settle important matters of State…
“Gentlemen! Imagine my surprise and indignation at receiving the morning press, to find every paper, periodical and journal relishing in reports of smut and smear…And not a word of warning or care from my Ministers! Not one. What is the point of advisors if they do not advise, answer me that…Hmmm?!”
Standing abruptly…Victoria took pace of the Royal Study, several turns made, window to door back to place with heavy trod of step and stern gaze levelled straight at her seated guests, her height being not much above four foot and four, and that on a good day with her highest of heels.
“This God awful Trent Affair?…I must beg your forgiveness, we never thought those Yankee’s would be so brazen…” The Prime Minster was cut off before he could finish.
”Palmerston! I shall return to that subject in a moment, and as deplorable as a event as that it is not what aggrieves me so, but rather the shame inflicted on this Empire by two of our most notable figures…It is quite incredulous that such gentleman and senior members of this great British Empire…Men such as Sir George Grey and Admiral Keppel could act with such a lack of decorum, they have embarrassed themselves, the Government, and more importantly this Royal household! Why to think I must discover these…These unchristian going on’s from the print and paper and not my very own Prime Minister, this simply will not do, not do at all!”
“Oh that!…Yes your Majesty, a most unfortunate turn of events…We had been led to believe all was at hand, a gentleman’s agreement to keep this…These…Shakespearean shenanigans between the two parties private.”
Lord Palmerston replied docilly, this was not his first dressing down from the Queen, nor he thought would it be his last. Best to treat the women like a mad dog, calmly, quietly and without sudden movements.
“We were as surprised as yourself to find this unfortunate incident in the papers…Is that not so Henry?” Palmerston said, turning to the Duke for support.
“Indeed, Prime Minister, your Majesty, we had assurances from both parties, Grey and Keppel, that this would be kept under the hat, although admittedly with hindsight keeping a secret on a Royal Naval vessel cannot be a given certainty…Shore leave and rum loosens the tongue amongst other things, as it were, but nevertheless a handshake that all would be forgiven and forgotten by both parties was promised.” The Duke confirmed.
“Well, it is certainly public knowledge now.” The Queen added. “I have also received news from my sources in Cape Town that Governor Grey is seeking satisfaction with the Admiral, it would appear Grey has not forgiven nor forgotten, he is out for blood, what next…A duel in Hyde Park at dawn?”
“I blame it on those wretched papers, anything to make a penny, they will report any sort of drivel as newsworthy…We should put all the owners and editors in the Tower for treason.”
Gladstone remarked, in jest, but by God he would if he could. The Queen just gave him…The stare!
Thankfully for the gathered gentlemen the side door to the study opened, interrupting the requirement to answer awkward questions….For the moment.
A dachshund sleek and brown glided in, greeting the Queen with a knowing sniff, the three seated guests not worth the effort before finding a place to sit, several turns of a plush Afghan carpet right before the fire.
“Eos! Where have you got to boy…!” Prince Albert could be heard calling before entering.
Reared from six weeks at the Prince’s own hand, the dog was a firm favourite of Albert’s and had followed him from Saxe-Coburg to England on his betrothment to Victoria. It had surprised Albert as much as everyone else across the whole continent that the marriage would prove so successful.
“Good afternoon, Gentleman, what mess has befallen you poor fellows now?” Albert gave a chuckle, sensing the mood and glad he was innocent of all crimes, this time.
“My darling Albert you spend more time with that dog then your own children, now come sit down and listen to what my honourable subjects have been doing on my schilling…Lord Palmerston, perhaps you would be so good as to share for the Prince what you so failed to inform me, from the beginning if you may, and don’t spare any sordid details.”
The Prime Minister loudly cleared his throat, a gurgle not unlike a throttled goat, which is how he felt under the Queens withering stare…
“The Duke…”
With a curt nod acknowledging his seated companion and hoping to implicate by association….
“…As Secretary of State for the Colonies had summoned Governor Grey from Cape Town back to London at my request, this was for an official reprimand due to repeatedly ignoring direct orders from Her Majesty’s Government in his duties in the Cape Colonies. Governor Grey had exceeded his mandate on several occasions, and has been antagonizing and strong arming both the Dutch and Blacks to come under a unified state, the Dutch had attacked the Basotho’s under his misinformation and got a good drumming for their troubles. Grey has been playing them off against each other and using the conflict as leverage for his own means. But quite simply his unauthorized efforts have been draining the Ministries coffers, and getting us in all sorts of bother.”
“Is that so?”
Albert said twisting his fine mustachio and raising a slither of an eyebrow above his Prussian blue eyes. The Duke then picked up the narrative…
“What’s more he made it known publicly that he will deal firmly with the natives, endeavoring to “protect” them from white settlement while simultaneously using reservations to coercively demilitarize them, using blacks, in his own words…As real, though unavowed hostages for the tranquility of their kindred and connections.”
Gladstone then spoke up…
“The Exchequer simply cannot afford a conflict at this time, with the uncertainty in the America’s and that fool Browne starting a fight with the natives in New Zealand, we simply do not need another distraction to contend with, after all, it is not like there is a wealth of gold or diamonds in Southern Africa…Besides safe passage for shipping around the Horn and a few green pastures on the coast, it is a barren land full of blacks and desperate Dutch settlers scraping a living in the dust, the place is absolutely worthless, and we must remember when the Suez canal is finished the Cape will soon not even be needed for passage to our largest and most glittering jewel in the crown…India.”
The butler had returned and after serving the guests the Duke then continued…
“On Grey’s return to London, we sought all guarantees and promises to stop this expansion nonsense of the Cape Colonies and to seek peaceful cooperation with the Free States and the natives…”
“Which he so gave.” The Prime Minister supported.
“Indeed, he might.” Sniffed the Queen. “He has always been a rogue that man, didn’t he legalize the killing of those Aboriginal folk in Australia?”
“Correct, your Majesty, the Aboriginal Witnesses Act, he called it.” The Duke acknowledged.
“Do explain?” Prince Albert asked.
“It allowed the rule of law to apply to European settlers only, blacks had no say in a court, unfortunately it made a free for all in the killing of natives in Australia, quite a few massacres occurred I am afraid.” The Queen said sadly.
“Good God!” The Prince exclaimed.
“We had attempted to make amends.” The Prime Minister said. “We dispatched Grey to New Zealand as soon as politically possible, and then to the Cape Colony in 1854.”
“And when he returned last month, was he of sound mind and body?” The Queen asked.
“Well one finds it hard to say with Grey, stiff as a board is my opinion, aloof as Nelson’s Column and perhaps a bit overprescribed on the pharmacy cabinet.” Answered the Duke.
“Indeed, well he has never been a personal favourite of mine.” Acknowledged the Queen. “His wife Eliza on the other hand, a pure joy, an absolute angel, a Spencer don’t you know, good British stock.”
“So, what happened next?” Asked the Prince.
“Well, here we get to the meat of the porkpie as it were.” The Prime Minister recounted reluctantly. “According to our reports…And now it seems a article or two in the press…”
“All the papers, from here to Edinburgh!…” The Queen corrected gesturing to the floor.
“Hmmm…Yes, quite right your Majesty, quite right…Governor Grey accompanied by his wife Eliza Spencer sought accommodations on the HMS Forte for the return trip to Cape Town.”
The Prime Minister paused and took a little whiskey as Albert took place next to his wife, settling in for a good bit of gossip, which he was secretly quite partial too, as with most men, no matter how hard they deny it…
“Admiral Keppel was taking the flagship, with a detachment of Marines to re-join the African Squadron, he even most generously billeted the guests in his own quarters, Keppel making do with the modest changing room next door, although from what I now understand there was access directly between the two rooms.”
A pause for a good mouthful more…
“Now apparently it has come to our attention that Admiral Keppel and Lady Eliza had been exchanging small intimacies and notes throughout the voyage.”
“And God knows what else they have been exchanging.” The Queen added. “Keppel has never been discreet, and fancies himself more then any Gentleman should.”
“Indeed, your Highness, and alas somewhere mid Atlantic, Grey stumbled on Lady Eliza placing a note under the interleading door.“
The Queen interrupted reading from a newspaper…
“You must clear the door dearest and leave me to come when I think it is safe, signed Lucy…” Looking up from the Manchester Newspaper…”Her nickname for those she holds close to heart, is that not correct, Prime Minister?”
“Yes, your Majesty.”
The Queen picked up another paper The Newcastle…
“Sir Grey upon searching his wife found in pocket another note, identified from several sources as from Admiral Keppel, a hand most distinctive in letters…I hope and expect to see you, my very own darling most soonest.” The Queen sighed in disappointment. “I don’t know how his long-suffering wife Katherine deals with him, daughter of that lovely General Sir John Crosbie.”
Said the Queen to Albert, Albert nodded silently…
“Afterwards apparently all hell broke loose on board, Grey accusing Eliza of immoral behaviour, Eliza retaliating with accusations of Grey doing the same, Grey blaming her for loss of only child and being barren, Eliza saying his, and I quote…Cock is as stiff as a wet fish and as small as a pilchard and that she knows all about his love child in New Zealand.” The Prime Minister added. “And of course, there are no secrets on board a ship, the whole crew could hear, after several days of this nonsense rumours and speculation were rife. Matters went further with Grey going completely mad threating to kill Eliza, himself or both of their sorry souls. His madness not ending and the threat of violence most imminent that the Admiral had no choice but to make for nearest land, that being Rio de Janeiro, with no alternative but to offload the good lady at port, left to seek passage back to England under her own devices. Grey most insistent on leaving her there, although she protested little, some saying she was glad to have the back of him.”
The Prime Minister refilled his tumbler again before continuing…
“HMS Forte then continued on to Cape Town with Sir Grey confining himself to cabin in self-isolation, neither leaving or accepting guests and according to all accounts making quite the racquet, screaming and shouting to all hours, consuming the Admirals drinks cabinet until dry. We can only be thankful that he did not direct his anger against Keppel himself, attack on person or throwing a Admiral overboard would of course be most mutinous and would not look well in the papers.”
“I think that it is far too late for that.” The Prince said, as unimpressed with events as his wife.
“On arrival of the HMS Forte to Cape Town, Grey rebuffed all ceremony and official engagements and went straight to Admiralty House and has not made public occasion since.” Said the Duke.
“And now It would appear the incident has reached every corner of the Empire and blown completely out of proportion.” Said the Queen. “The gossip rife from London to Auckland, Ottawa to Hong Kong. She had been found in the arms of a young officer, reads the Belfast. Sir George had found her in bed with the Admiral, says the London, another is quoting that poor Katherine is now seeking separation, and who can blame her. This simply won’t do, won’t do at all…So, gentlemen how are we going to remedy this situation between Grey and Keppel?”
“Well, it is clear they cannot both be in the same town…Or for that matter country” Replied the Duke.
“I believe there is a position in South America needing filling with the River Plate Squadron,” Mused Albert. “Brazil will making a fitting reprimand for his behaviour and well away from the Cape Colonies.”
“And what about Grey?” Asked the Queen. “Is he still reliable?”
After much silence and thought, the Duke of Newcastle spoke first…
“We need to put Grey somewhere out of the way…Somewhere…Very far away where he cannot cause mischief…New Zealand, perhaps?”
“New Zealand” Said the Prime Minister, “ Yes! Splendid you don’t get much further than that.”
“Indeed.” Said the Queen smiling. “Perfect! He knows the natives well. I believe they even hold him in high regard, although God knows why, he can even sort out the mess Governor Browne has made and bring peace to the Colony, Browne seems intent on war with the Māori no matter what, something we cannot afford at the moment with the America’s bent on self-destructing…Have we agreement gentlemen?”
What to do about America?
As the day turned from early to late the converse still carried grave matters of import and state, with the issue of Keppel and Grey satisfied agreement made, the mood turned again onto matters of more weight…A working lunch was served and quite the many beverages drunk…Sober decisions affecting war, nation and international relations best made after a bottle or two being quaffed downed…To ease the burden of contemplation, of course.
“Right! Now that the issue of Grey is resolved what about the United States and this so called…Trent Affair? Enquired the Queen.
“The latest Intelligence reports is indicting that close to a million men are lined up over a front stretching hundreds of miles from the Virginia’s to Missouri.” The Prime Minister said.
“It does have the makings of a grand old war, as large as the Napoleonic or Crimea, I should think.” Commented Albert.
“Oh! Much much larger, Sir, a war like the world has not seen before.” The Duke answered, sobering at the thought. “With railroads and ironclads it will be the first modern war.”
“A nation at war with itself, it is absolutely ridiculous!” The Queen responded. “And no good will come from it, mark my words…Look at Yorkshire and Lancaster, still at odds with each other, and how long has that been…Four hundred years?”
“Well, there is slavery to think about…It is just not the done thing in this day and age, barbaric!” Said the Prince. “And the Governments position remains the same…Prime Minister, how does this…Trent Affair influence things?” Asked Albert.
“Privately the Ministers are much divided, Gladstone here favours support of the South as do industrialists and much of the Aristocracy, the Northern blockade of Southern ports is hindering the Cotton trade, causing our economy a right bother…”
Said the Prime Minister tactfully, throwing his Chancellor under the cart, better to let his true thoughts known after any tempest at difference of opinion had run its course, the Prince in particular had a temper as bad as a unbroken horse.
“That is no surprise.” Said the Queen glaring at Gladstone. “Your family did make their fortunes from slaves in the West Indies, did they not?”
“Only when it was legal, your Majesty.” Said Gladstone diplomatically, it was known the Queen was fond of her natives across the Empire, and was best to avoid the subject of race.
The Prime Minister continued…
“While it seems the working class and reformers are much for the Union, forced labour and slavery a threat to the working man’s status quo, although officially we are still maintaining strict neutrality, this is due to a number of factors, we have concerns with both Prussia and France’s ambitions in Europe, and of course Russia has not forgotten the Crimea War, also President Lincoln himself has recently appointed a tough new Ambassador to Britain, a Mister Charles Adams.”
“Yes, I met with him last month, a brute of a man.” The Queen said.
“Quite, and he has made it clear that any interference on our part would constitute the North declaring War, I am sure it is bluff, but we must remember if we look to favour the South, then the Union’s large supply of grain would cease, which of course we badly need at the moment.”
“It seems to me the wealth of this nation also needs the South’s cotton, which the North is blockading and starving our supply, it that not also true?” Asked the Queen. “I hear there is much discontent in Liverpool and the Northern towns due to this shortage.”
“That is true as well your Majesty, as always you are well informed.” Said the Prime Minister. “It would be most prudent that we are prepared for whatever opportunity might present itself and be ready to take advantage of the situation.”
“Quite right.” The Queen responded, pleased. “Quite right indeed.”
“We have ordered troops to Canada, with extra Naval support, to stand off the East Coast, and give the Yankee ships something to think about…HMS Orpheus is being dispatched with a cargo of guns and munitions and I have ordered the call up of the local militia and the reinforcing of the forts across the Canadian border…Giving us every favourable opportunity if so needed or desired.” The Duke stated.
“And what of this Trent Affair? What is our reaction.” Asked the Prince.
“I might say at this point we have just received official correspondence from Napoleon the III this very morning. The French Government has met, and unequivocally condemns the action of the United States and accepts it was totally illegal…And what’s more France will offer there full support for any political, indeed even military satisfaction that the United Kingdom deems necessary and will hinder her in no way or her interests during this sensitive time.”
“That is indeed good news, very good news indeed.”
Commented the Prime Minister, deciding now was the time to lay his own cards on the table. The French were a unpredictable bunch, but there show of support was a suspiring if not welcome blessing.
“I have heard that there is great celebration at the stopping of our ship and the capture of two passengers, it is very possible…In fact highly likely that the whole incident was a most debilitate act and premediated insult designed to provoke a confrontation with the United Kingdom.”
“Well that simply cannot do, the honour of our country must be satisfied.” The Queen said angrily. “If war is what they want then war is what they shall have.”
“Hear! Hear!”
The ministers cried, raising glasses in salute, this would be easier then they anticipated thought the men in collective silence.
“If they do not release the men, and make formal recompense then we will have no choice but to invade.” The Queen sternly proclaimed.
The gathered men again cheered…Except Albert, although no coward, having been shot at on several occasions, he was no monger of war, the progression of reforms and liberty was his calling, ideals not necessarily shared by the other gentleman in the room…Thankfully he had more then just the ear of the Queen, but her heart as well…
“Perhaps we are being a bit hasty.” Said the Prince, in his softest, silkiest voice. “A ultimatum can appear too belligerent, let me craft a more…Diplomatic response…Perhaps something like…The Queen…Should have liked to have seen the expression of a hope that the American Naval Officer did not act under instructions, or, if he did that he misunderstood them and that the United States government must be fully aware that the British Government could not and will not allow its honour to be insulted, or let the security of her mail communications be placed in jeopardy, and that Her Majesty’s Government are unwilling to believe that the United States Government intended to put insult upon this country and to add to their many distressing complications by forcing a question of dispute upon us, and that we are therefore glad to believe…That they would spontaneously offer such redress as alone could satisfy this country, with the restoration of the unfortunate passengers and a suitable apology.”
“Yes prefect Albert, you really are a dear, lets get that written off Palmerston and sent straight away to the America Ambassador.” Said the Queen.
“At once you Majesty.”
The Prime Minister replied, rolling his eyes ever so slightly just enough for his fellow politicians to see and receive a slight sniff of nose and blink of eye in agreement. He was most decidedly not happy, this German upstart yet again interfering in British affairs, it really wont do he thought…No…It wont do at all!
THE SHIP BOMBAY! 